How to survive being a mother of twins

Okay, I wanted to blog about this long time ago but just couldn't find a right time to do it (oh well, this entry might just take me a long long time to complete!). What was written below is strictly based on my first 7 months of experience.


First of all, in order to survive being a mother of twins, you need to become an organized and an efficient person as soon as possible. If you are already a proficient planner, capitalize on it and get even better! Even if you are the most frazzled person on earth, you are going to learn to be efficient and organized quite quickly because it will be necessary to your survival. You set the rules and the goals, however special, idiosyncratic, or individualistic they may be. As with nearly everything else during this year, take life day by day, and do what works for you in terms of organizing yourself and your family, even if your mother-in-law thinks you're nuts.


Don't ever turn down help. Many people are, by nature, simply more independent than others. It seems that mothers of multiples often fall into this category. Therefore, when help is offered, many of these women shy away from accepting help, often feeling as though saying "Yes" is the same as admitting (at the top of their lungs) "I can't do this by myself!" Additionally, many women seem to feel that the person who has offered some help surely has a million other things on her own plate and therefore, she shouldn't accept her offer. I consider myself to be a relatively independent person, so I feel quite comfortable giving you a direct order on this one: ACCEPT HELP! Be sure that the help actually fulfills your definition, however. Having someone else rock and sing to your babies while you cook and clean is often not viewed as "help" by a new mom of multiples (some of you may know what happened recently)Accept the offer from anyone willing to bring a meal, clean your house, do some laundry, or run an errand. You will have more than enough time sooner than you think to return the favor.


Realign your expectations. This is of paramount importance to getting through the first year. Relinquish your need (if you have one) to have your entire house clean and in perfect order all the time. One secret I rely heavily on is scented candles (I prefer those by Yankee Candle Company). The "Banana Bread" scent will give the impression that you've been cooking all day. "Clean Cotton" will fool visitors into believing you cleaned the whole house just before they arrived. "Lavender" will soothe your mind at the end of a long day. Your time would be better spent singing nursery rhymes than scrubbing walls. haha....

Invest in a crockpot and few good crockpot recipe books. The crockpot is a marvelous invention. My dear husband bought me a beautiful oval maroon crockpot and it makes me so tempted to cook with it each time. Did you know that you can make quesadillas in a crockpot? The recipes for this contraption have come a long way and it's not just for beef stew anymore. Whenever you have a spare second during the morning, pop the ingredients in and turn it on. By lunchtime (set as high for 4 hours) or dinnertime (low for 8 hours), you have a fabulous meal cooked and the house smells fantastic. If, by some small chance, one of the babies needs you the second you dish up your plate, just put your meal back in the old crockpot and it'll be warm whenever you're ready—no more cold lunches/dinners! I'm thinking of giving my crockpot a name this year and looking at it more like my own personal food butler.


Schedule weekly alone time with your spouse. One of the biggest concerns I hear from women with multiples is that when the kids are grown and leave the house, they and their husbands will look at each other and exclaim, "Who are you?" It is important to make your best effort to nurture your relationship with your spouse to ensure this does not happen. When your babies are young, this will be easier (though it may not seem that way at the time) than when they start moving and talking nonstop. However, as the babies get older and the house gets crazier, you may feel as though you and your mate haven't talked about anything other than where you're going as you dart out of the house just as he pulls into the driveway. Get a sitter when you're comfortable taking that step; instead of viewing the cost as an extra thirty dollars for an evening out, look at it as an investment in your marriage and your family . Or forget the sitter and just plan on a late dinner (at home, hehe) for the two of you when the kids have gone to bed. Sit down and talk about something other than finances, who tackled whom that day, and how you're going to negotiate the plane ride to grandma's. I know some days it won't seem like there's anything else to talk about, but there is. Remember what you did on your first dates, fantasize about your ultimate retirement or vacation destination, or better yet, plan a date for the following week or month.

Maintain your sense of humor. If you don't have one, get one—QUICKLY! Research has shown that smiling causes your brain to release chemicals that make you feel good. Additionally, laughter releases endorphins in your body that allow you to relax. So, when you can only laugh or cry, do the former. It is more fun (and less expensive) than anxiety medication or therapy.


Retain an optimistic perspective. There's an old saying, "Attitude is everything." Attitude determines whether you are on the way or in the way. As a general rule, those with positive attitudes enjoy better overall health—a true gift from you to your new bundles of joy. Just when things seem to be at their lowest point, remember: it could always be worse. When I was having a particularly bad hour with my twins, I would remind myself that there were women in the world juggling sextuplets or more that very second. That usually provided enough clarity to get me through those sixty minutes.

Schedule personal time for yourself on a regular basis. Many mothers begin to feel as if their lives are somewhat one-dimensional. They become convinced they are losing their own identity in the midst of raising their family. It is extremely important to carve out some time for yourself each day. Even if it's only to snuggle into bed at night and read People magazine or a chapter of a book that's been collecting dust on the shelf. Plan to spend time as often as you can with friends in the evenings or on weekends. Truly, you cannot take the best care of your family unless you are taking the best care of yourself, right?

Phew...and I'm still surviving after all the nonsense I wrote above!!!